Renae, 22, Las Vegas, NV

Renae, at age six, was barely tall enough to read the sheet music on the stands at her choir rehearsal, but was eager to be there amongst other kids of all ages in her Las Vegas suburb. When Miss Robin pointed to her, Are you going to solo? Renae fidgeted with her dress and refused the offer quickly. When she thought about her voice soaring through the crowd at that age, it was excruciating, horrifying. Miss Robin gave her a look and sighed, next time maybe. Renae, age twenty-two, now has sung in operas overseas in Paris and Vienna, but still feels a sweaty palm now and then, and is reminded of her Las Vegas beginnings with Miss Robin, and the pain of performance.

Renae was two when she began singing for her family and friends, and was sitting at a piano at age five. Her mentors were mainly familial relationships and local teachers. Her first piano teacher, Miss T, was a music teacher at her mothers high school. She actually didn't even want to give me lessons that young because my hands were too small. Miss T would become Renae’s longest standing mentor, and the person who convinced her to sing. Miss T grew up in a conservative Chinese household that instilled strict practice components: repetition, multiple hours of practicing each day, and no positive feedback. These methods were instilled in Renae’s practice as a young child and would push her to gain Miss T’s only sign of approval, which would be silence. She was pleased with it when she wouldn't really have anything else to say.

Renae’s solo career would take several years to begin, and would take several forms. Whether it be singing in choirs, being in musicals, or singing Christmas songs in a church. She was ready for a strict competition experience, but could not get past her stage fright. It wasn’t until she began taking lessons at a high school level with her choir director, the same director from age six, Miss Robin, You have a really excellent soprano voice. I'm gonna give you a couple of classical songs to broaden your repertoire, let me know what you think. And if you don't want to keep doing it, we don't have to. This gentle push is what Renae needed, and what began her career in the Las Vegas youth chamber music competition circuit, which from what Renae describes, was bleak.

She describes a non-competitive world, where showing up was immediately applauded. This inoffensive beginning to competitions was where Renae felt comfortable for a year and a half until Covid-19 shut down her world and took the life of Miss Robin. It was kind of the first time a person close to me in my life passed away, and such an important figure. I mean, my first private voice teacher. She was also really good friends with my grandma. She began a new journey of searching for new teachers which she described as being difficult, and like many musicians do, she felt stuck with her teachers, at an impasse where she cannot move forward with her education, but cannot get out of being a student. It took a long time to find another teacher after her because I didn’t even know what to look for. She relied on her internal validation before she began the college audition process and the search for her perfect music program.

In her audition processes for each European program she mentioned her anxiety about rejection, or lack thereof. Renae is sensible. Her understanding of the consequences of choosing this career path does not stop her from continuing with it. I think with rejection, it's really easy to define your talent and your work by those rejections, because you work so hard for something and then you try to give it your best, and then it doesn't work out in the way that you had hoped for. She is very conscious of the fact that rejection is a part of the process, and something that cannot be avoided, in fact, she uses it as fuel. It's using that rejection as a learning experience to go back and be like, what did I do wrong, and what's one small thing that I could change so that the next time I use this material in an audition space, I can make it even better. And every, every company and casting director is different and they're all looking for something very different.

This anxiety of never knowing who will choose you is what pushes Renae to keep going. It excites her to submit auditions all over the world, and to sing wherever and whenever she can. I asked her why she wants to be an opera singer, and her reply made everything make sense. It makes me feel cool. She is still that girl from Las Vegas with sweaty palms, only now, she uses those memories and experiences to inform her future, where she plans on pursuing opera in a professional world.